I feel like there is so much that I want to say. But I don't know how to find the right words. I have so many questions weighing me down. And I'm completely lost.

All I know is something has to change. I just don't know what

Someone once told me to do what makes me happy and to follow my heart...

The thing is, i don't know what i want anymore. 

My heart is telling me to do something completely crazy and stupid, that will never amount to anything probably. But it would make me happy.

My mind is telling me that I'm an idiot and i should just be happy with how things are.

I'm not happy though, not in my current situation. I don't know how, or even if, things are fixable at this point. All i know is I'm sick of being the only one putting effort in.

What i still don't understand though... I tried to talk to him, and the more I tried to say anything, the more my vision turned white, and the  harder it was to find the words i needed to say. In the end he just got mad at me for saying anything, and he will barely speak to me right now...

I'm at a crossroad between what i know, and finally doing something for myself, i just don't know what step to take.

-Ren Kanade